Lost
by void star blade
Summary: After an unkown person places a curse upon sora, he has to live life with almost all his friends believeing that he has lost his heart. Permanatly.
1. the first entry

this just poped into my head i swear.

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I feel I have to write this down... have to get it out so that even if the ones I once called my friends kill me... they will still know... what truly happened... that I never truly fell, that I had never truly lost my heart… that I was simply…

_Lost_

When it happened I couldn't believe it.

Myself, Donald and goofy had been fighting a new enemy who, guess what, was after kingdom hearts. Isn't there something else the bad guys can go after? Nevermind, anyway, we were fighting him and nearly had him beat when I went to go into Master form, when the stranger, whose name I never got, did something strange involving darkness, and I ended up in anti-form. At least that's what I thought I had ended up in. after I had succeeded in offing him, I noticed that I couldn't feel the drain from the dive form, and that the form I was in was... off. I was still wielding oblivion for one, but the form had claws as well. I turned to Donald and Goofy, to find them, with complete looks of terror, backing away from... _me._ It was then what the guy had shouted at me as I had entered this form actually registered. "Be consumed by eternal darkness, and lost to the light forever!"

I took one step towards my friend (are they even my friends now? it seems so hard to see them as anything but... not enemies, but defiantly not allies...) and they fell into battle stances, hesitant ones, like they couldn't believe that I was truly a dark creature now, but still they looked like if I took one step closer I'd be on the receiving end of a Thundaga and an energy enhanced shield. By this time I was really and truly panicking, and I could hear a voice calling me, enticing me with safety and rest and comfort and the general stuff the two who looked ready to give a good shot at offing me usually gave. So I ran. I ran hard and fast towards where I could still here the voice and found myself stumbling into darkness.

Before the curse (what else could I call it?) the darkness would have scared me, frightened me, chilled me to my core and sent me into a semi-permanent battle mode. but then...now I suppose, it felt like coming home, and that scared me more than anything else I have ever faced.

What had I become?

Was I truly "consumed by darkness and lost to the light forever?"

Was I even...? Could I truly still call myself...?

'...Sora...?'


	2. the secend entry

How had I gotten there? I really don't know... Maybe I really did open a portal to darkness and step though it subconsciously. But what was that voice? It was still there and calming me... then I realized.

"Roxas!!" at least my voice was normal..

_Hey Sora. Finally figured out it was me, neh? Sorry for the surprise, but I needed to get you out of there. I'm pretty sure that Donald wouldn't have let you figure out what had happened before he jumped the gun._

"Yah I suppose he would have. But what happened to me?! I look like a heartless! And the darkness..." it seemed to be so inviting….

_No!! Don't give in!!_

Roxas's cry surprised me so much I visibly started.

"What?"

_"Sora you need to get out of here now. Take the thirteenth left, twelfth right, and then keep going down in numbers at every turn. You will end up in the would that never was. I can tell you more there but you need to get out of the darkness, please!"_

As much as I disliked the idea of going to the world that never was, I had never heard Roxas so desperate, so I went. I had never realized how accurate the name 'corridors of darkness' was. There were branches every 5 feet or so, and after taking the last left turn I found myself in a comfortable looking room much like the one I had on the islands. And then it hit me, the longing to return to darkness, to the safety it provided…

_"Sora? SORA!! Do NOT go back, you hear me??! **Sit down**!"_

It hit me like a physical force. My knees buckled and I felt like I was going to puke up what little I had in my stomach. I was shaking and hot and cold and feeling absolutely crappy. I had to get to the darkness. Hadtohadtohad.

"_**SORA! Use one of the forms!"**_

The only thing I could think of as final form was practically forced upon me was since when could I transform without someone lending me energy?

And then I was in Final Form, Oblivion and Ultima circling me as I sat several inches off the floor, and it was like a veil had been ripped from me… had I really been that close to falling forever? Was this what Riku had felt? How had he stood it?

Horror struck like a physical thing, and I lay, collapsed truly, down on the floor, or as close as I could get to it in that form. A few seconds later I was glad I was on the floor, because I passed out.

In The Radiant Gardens, a meeting of importance was taking place at this time though I didn't know about it then. Donald and Goofy had gotten to the Gardens in record time. There they had proceeded to tell Leon Merlin and the rest of the gang what had happened. Riku had been there too, waiting for me. He was furious at the fact that I had left him behind, no matter how injured he had been. But you just don't fight on a broken leg. But once he heard what had happened it had taken them all to stop him from using the darkness to track me down. I now wish that he had gotten away. Maybe then I wouldn't be so lonely… and so close to loosing my self at times… (Several tear marks dot the rest of the page, blurring the scrawled words across the bottom of the page nearly to the point where they are illegible..)

Gods I miss them…


	3. The Third entry

When I woke up I didn't know where I was for a moment, but then I remembered what had happened to me and tried to feel for Roxas. I couldn't find him for the longest time, but then I felt him on the edge of my conciseness, but it was like he was almost not there. Like he was…..

"Roxas??….. please, talk to me…. I need to know you're there…. Please?" it took what seemed like forever but I got a response.

_Sora….. I'm still here… just tired…. It took a lot out of me to get you into that form…. And its difficult to keep your mental state stable. I think I know what happened. You switched bodies with anti-form, So now when you enter that form, you will turn into your normal form, with some small changes, but Anti-Sora will be in control._

"ok…" what else could I say… I had never really trusted Anti-Sora, but he had never given me reason to doubt him… so I decided not to worry about it. After all I had bigger things to worry about.

"What do you mean 'my mental state?'!!!"

_the spell or what ever did this to you is playing havoc with your emotions, which is why the darkness was able to get so close to you so fast. I'm doing what I can, but it will take abit to get it back to normal, maybe 6—8 months… try to get used to this form in that time. I don't know when this can be reversed, or even if it can. Best prepare for the worst._

The worst being never going back to normal.

"ok. So, where do I start?" I mused aloud.

It took me a month to get used to my new form. It turned out I could do a lot of the things Neo-shadows could do, except at a higher level. I could merge completely with the shadows and use them to travel from place to place, even other worlds, though I didn't do that very often. My first shock was when I went to the pridelands.

"Ooff!" was my first word when I returned to the pridelands. when I got to my feet, the first thing I did was look at my reflection in the oasis.

"Greeaaat. Still doing the heartless imitation, now in lion form. " was what I said when I saw my reflection. I really did look like a lion heartless. All I could do was sigh and settle down to sulk a bit. The reason I had come here was to see if I would enter a normal form in a world where I changed. As my relfection showed I didn't so much for the half baked idea I had had. Apparently the curse went further that me and roxas had thought.

"well, so much for plan A." I said as I transported back to the world that never was. Malificent didn't know I was there, turns out the sleeping quarters for Organization XIII were scattered throughout the city. Roxas's rooms had been part of the place to survive the havoc wrought when me and Riku beat Xemnas, along with what we later figured to be Xigbar's, Demyx's, Axel's, and Vexen's rooms. turns out that the five had chosen the same neighborhood. There was a nice barrier of rubble between me and Malificent but I knew it wouldn't last. I had to move my base of operations soon, preferably before Malificent realized I was there so I could use Roxas's old rooms as a fall back point. And I had the perfect place in mind.

It took me three days to haul everything to my new home, which was called "The Shattered Sanctuary." It was part of a world called Draenor. Or at least that was what it had been called before it got broken apart by a huge cataclysm. I'm still iffy on what the cataclysm was but I know it had something to do with the big portals that dotted the landscape. That much I had gathered from the conversations I had listened in on when I went into the town, making sure I wasn't seen. Or at least, I though I wasn't seen. Turns out the leader of the settlement, a man named Khadgar, had sensed me all along. I puzzled him, since I was something that felt a lot like the demons he fought but I felt different enough to be sure I wasn't a demon and I hadn't hurt anyone, had even helped out a bit with a few ambushings of ambushers. When he confronted me, it was alone and in the open. I had been hunting the local food source, ravagers and two headed buzzards when he had walked up to me and introduced him self, then proceeded to ask who I was and why I had been sneaking around his Hold. I was gob-smacked and I looked it. I swear he could have whapped me over the head with a destiny islands tuna and I wouldn't have been more surprised. I was hurt to, in a way that took me a time to identify. Here was a Total stranger giving me the benefit of the doubt and my friends had decided I was a heartless and needed to be hunted down. Khadgar, reading me like an open book with 75 point print, asked me what was wrong. I just broke down at that point and asked him why he believed I was something that could be trusted? I had beaten whole groups of things that gave him and a fully armed and armored group of trained and experienced warriors and mages pause by myself, and they knew it. So why was he trusting me when my friends couldn't give me the benefit of the doubt and let me show them that I was still me?? He sat down on a bunch of bones and, patting the spot next to him, asked me to tell him what had happened to me. I told him everything, from the time I spent on the islands to the time I traveled with Donald and goofy for the first and second times and the times after that. I told him about the curse and running from my friends and about the time I had shown myself in the gardens and had nearly gotten my head taken off with a gunblade before I got out of there. (Leon had apparently taken a page out of Yuffies book and started sneak attacking.) by the time I finished, I had slid down and was huddled at the base of the bones. It was remarkable what telling someone had done to my mental state, I was calmer than I had been I a long time. I realized I had needed to trust someone for so long after my friends had in effect turned their backs on me that it had started to make me unstable. I told him so.

"I'm not surprised. You won't be the first person to grant me your trust with out knowing quite why." Was his response. "and," he added "it seems like you automatically make connections with those you meet. You seem to draw those who you can trust to you and can sense this automatically. Thus the breaking of your bond of trust with your friends has set you off balance, thus you seek another person that you can form a bond with, and the bond is stronger because of the breaking of other bonds. It may have something to do with being the keyblade master." By this time it had been awhile since the conversation had started and, low and behold, a scouting party rode over a nearby ridge, apparently looking for Khadgar. Khadgar placed his hand on my shoulder stopping me for a moment, and said "if you ever need to talk to anyone my tower is open." With that he got off the bones and walked up to the scouting party who were looking at me with suspicion and no small amount of fear. Khadgar spoke to them for a time and the looks turned to incredulity. They looked at me like they had never seen anything like me before, and I shifted in place where I was dressing my kills, resolutely not looking directly at them. One of them offered Khadgar his mount and they rode off, with two lagging behind with the walking soldier. It was then I decided to make sure that the Hold had a few peaceful months, or as peaceful as I could get them.

Three months later I met up with Khadgar again. His people had noticed that I was making sure they got a respite and they were wondering if I, who was now known as the guardian shadow, had a good place to sleep, had any armor at all, and wanted to move in to the hold. As Khadgar told me when I looked like a fish out of water, "what did you expect? You helped us immensely and we have had no way to repay you. And don't think for a minute that I don't know who has been leaving those spell books in my rooms." When I continued to gape he continued, "Say 'Yes Khadgar I'd love to take you up on that offer.' and get on the horse." By this time the men he was with were smothering laughter. Aparently the sight of a black demonic looking boy looking gobsmacked at their generosity was very funny. Gallows humor, I swear.

Anyway that is how I ended up as an 'honored guest' in Honor Hold. I had made sure that when ever I visited the Gardens or Disney Castle I was always in shadowmode and had found out some interesting facts. One being that Riku had had to face a really nasty heartless alone and had beaten it, but had had to be carried back to the Gardens because He had managed to bust Both his legs and a couple of ribs And an arm! He hadn't even gotten out of the walking cast from his first broken leg! I snuck into his room and when I had gotten a good look at him knelt by the bed and cried. He looked like he was dieing, what with all the bandages covering wounds and how bad his breath sounded. I decided to put to use what I had learned in my time with Khadgar and concentrated on clearing out the fluid from his lungs and healing his ribs. When I had finished, I looked at his face and saw that he was sleeping more peacefully. On impulse I looked for a scrap of paper and a pen. I left a note saying "Riku- take better care of yourself. I'm not around anymore to look after your ass. I would be but I don't think anyone would let me do much in person explaining. I'm still me, ok? –Sora" that was all I could fit on the scrap. I put the scrap in his hand and left, feeling better that I had in months, even if I was exhausted.


	4. Interlude: Riku's Awakening

Interlude: after the Battle

Blinding pain from legs and arm indicated that, yes, you did manage to bang yourself up so bad they had to cart you back after the battle. But you could have sworn that you had a couple of broken ribs and a really nasty cough, so where did that go? And what's in your hand, feels like paper. Ok Riku time to wake up and face reality.

"Will somebody turn off the sun?"

Ok light indicates its day and goddamn it hurts your eyes. No response so force open your eyes and see that no one is with you, you can tell where they are because, now that your ears are transmitting, you can hear the lion's roar from the main room, and you can hear the ninja roaring back. Do they ever shut up? Stupid question. Now what that in your hand?

A simple piece of paper, with stuff written on both sides, but your eyes have focussed on the writers name "I'm still me, ok? –Sora" Sora! He was here! And as you read the rest of the note you, who know Sora so well, can read between the lines and see what he isn't saying. "Riku- Gods above I miss you, if you get your dumb butt killed I will never forgive you. The only reason I'm not there taking care of you is because I like my head where it is, Thank you very much. Tell Leon that his aim may have gotten better, but not that much, and to take lessons from Yuffie in stealth. And ask the others "how in the world could you have believed for any amount of time that I am, and I quote, "consumed by eternal darkness, and lost to the light forever?" end quote. Even as a heartless I was able to know who my friend were, even if it wasn't mutual. (Yes, I'm staring at you Donald) So, I'll drop by again soon, maybe. New enemy on the horizon, get yourself back in shape ASAP. –Sora and Roxas

As you finish reading between the lines, you begin to laugh so hard that you hear the Lion and the Ninja quit roaring at each other and run up stairs and you are very thankful that Sora healed your ribs because you are sure that after this fit of hysterics is over you will have rebusted them. As the Lion, the Ninja, and the rest burst into your room, you are laughing so hard you have tears running down your face. As you wipe away the tears and try to calm down the bracer that is what kept you from accessing the darkness and chasing Sora scrapes your face, but you don't care. Sora is alive and fine, but if you keep laughing, the others wont think your ok. The Earth Child asks what is in your hand, and the first words out of your mouth are "Leon, you need to take lessons in stealth from Yuffie, you really are bad at sneaking." The looks on their faces send you back into laughter, and somehow you know that everything is going to be alright in the end, Because Sora Promised you and Kairi that he'd come back, and "Sora Never breaks his promises." The apparent non-sequencer startles everyone in the room except Kairi, and now she is laughing with you because she gets it too.

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Ok this was ment to be from Riku's POV but i am prity sure i somehow did it in 2ed person. ahh well. 


End file.
